


Fated at Starkiller base

by noctematrem



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Longing, Romance, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, The Force, he is her prince, love struck reylo, maker help them, sappy reylo, she is his princess, sweet yet sexy reylo, they don't understand these feels, unique force bond, you won't be able to get enough of this, you've never seen a force bond like this before
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-03-29 22:33:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19029304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noctematrem/pseuds/noctematrem
Summary: Kylo Ren is about to strike the scavenger down when he is caught off guard by his mind connecting to her own. Kylo Ren is hiding a dangerous secret. A curse and yet a gift. Imagine Kylo's shock when he finds that his desert rat can make it all better. Soulmates fated to be together against all odds. Can Kylo Ren protect his princess from those that want to snuff out her light?~ ~ ~I suck at summaries. Give it a chance.





	1. Duel of the fates

**Author's Note:**

> This is a beloved roleplay story between myself and one of my best friends. We've decided to convert it into a story to share with fellow Reylo fans. It may not be perfect since it's in RP format but I've done my best to transform it into a story to share! It will switch between Rey & Kylo's POV in reply/response format. We've created a Reylo relationship that I've yet to see and we were too excited not to share with the community! Feedback is always welcome and appreciated.

Rey had wanted nothing more than to escape the snowy landscape of Starkiller base with Finn at her side. She never wanted to see the likes of Kylo Ren again after what he had done to the one person she had begun to view as a father figure. Anyone who could kill their own father who clearly gave a damn about him was a monster. Just seeing his glowing crimson tri-blade saber ignited fear racing through her veins like ice, colder than the snow around them. They didn't have time for this, the planet would be destroyed within minutes. "We're not done yet." His voice made her cringe. Why couldn't he let them go? She couldn't decide if the tears on his face were from spearing his father or from the bowcaster wound inflicted by Chewbacca in his grief. "You're a monster." She spat before she could stop herself, her hazel eyes looking upon him with disgust. This seemed to take Kylo aback. "It's just us now. Han Solo can't save you." He responded coldly. She drew her blaster quickly, hoping to end the fight before it began but squealed in surprise as he sent her flying into the trunk of a tree behind her, knocking her out cold.

It was Finn's screams of anguish that pulled her from the abyss. Her eyes fluttered open to see a distorted view of Kylo Ren burning Finn with his saber. Fury flowed through her and she fought to gather strength in her limbs, the piercing pain in her spine radiating throughout her body as she struggled to stand. Grief filled her as she watched Kylo Ren deliver a final blow along the spine of her now fallen friend. She prayed to the maker that he was still alive. Rey staggered to the center of their battleground, extending her hand towards the saber planted in the snow. The saber that called to her. Belonged to her. Willing herself to relax, focusing on the force that surrounded her and bending it to return the saber to her hand. The look of shock upon Kylo Ren's face was enough of a reward. It felt right in her hand as if it were meant to be wielded by her. She ignited it quickly, wasting no time before she thrust it toward him with a cry of anger.  
  
Rey was still plagued by the physical pain of being thrown against the tree, now plagued by the emotion of loss at the thought of Finn sacrificing himself for her. Her eyes remained locked to Kylo's gaze, putting every ounce of strength into each swing though it never seemed to be enough. He blocked each strike effortlessly, even though his wound was still bleeding! She breathed harshly, trying to draw the crisp air into her lungs faster than her body allowed. Desperate to catch her breath, exhaustion threatening her as she paced the area in front of him. It wasn't long before his attacks had her cornered, crying out as she nearly fell off the edge of the chasm. "You need a teacher!" Her eyebrows furrowed. He can't be serious. "I can't show you the ways of the force!" Her eyes searched desperately and found truth in his statement. Part of her longed for this, _wanted_ to learn about the power surging inside of her that sat her aside from everyone else but him. But she knew it to be wrong. Luke Skywalker was her only hope to learn about the force. "Force..." She murmured, concentrating briefly before pushing free of him and staggering backward to put space between them.

"I will never wish to learn about the force from the likes of you!" She seethed, trying to control the anger inside of her. Knowing that her anger could only lead to the path of the dark. The taste of the power inside of her was tempting enough. She knew she had to get a grip on her emotions. "We're running out of time." She paced anxiously, keeping her saber in front of her to deflect any strikes he might attempt. The blue glow casting light on her disheveled features. "You're already wounded. Don't make me make it worse." Her jaw set in a hard line as she tried to bluff the confidence she wanted to feel, when in reality she knew with a wave of his hand, he could throw her again. Make her pass out and lose consciousness. She couldn't allow him to get close to her. Her eyes flickered to Finn, watching for signs of movement, relief flooding her that he was still breathing. Her gaze moving back to Kylo's as she held his eyes, "You don't deserve this saber. It chose **_me_**." She insisted, knowing that it must drive him mad that his grandfathers saber had called to her in the first place.

She probed with the force, seeking entry into his mind, eager to find a shred of a weakness. Anything that she could use against him to gain the upper hand. She wanted to end this, to snuff him out before he could hurt anyone else that she cared about which was few and far between. She wasn't nearly as powerful as him but she had been powerful enough to dig into his thoughts once. Her own mind unguarded as she focused all of her power into discovering a mental weapon. Breathing coming to a calming pace as she steadied herself and caught her breath. The brief dialogue had given her time to recover her stamina, her fingers closing tight around the saber as if he might pull it from her very grip. The rumbling of the planet below them grew stronger, cracking in places as the bombs his father put into place exploded. Her gaze flashing concern that neither of them would make it off this planet alive.

 

* * *

 

Kylo Ren was staggered on the ground, propped up on a knee and one arm, the other arm clutching his chest as more blood tried to escape from the cavity the wookie bowcaster had left him. He'd seen similar bowcasters launch men ten feet in the air, or stop hulking beasts in their tracks, and while he could have stopped the bolt in mid-air at his peak, his weakness left him vulnerable, and he was paying dearly for his mistake.

  
He looked briefly up at her and wavered, wincing and savagely pounding his chest, trying to keep his heartbeat through force and sheer will.

  
In the moment of his preoccupation, Rey would see into his mind clearly. There was anger, and greed, undoubtedly, but beyond that was jealousy. Jealousy of a galaxy gone soft and weak. Jealousy of a childhood without parents. Jealousy of the work and pain and torment it took for him to get this far, only to be compromised by a traitor and an untrained force sensitive girl.

  
As clearly and as quickly as she saw into his heart, the door slammed shut, and she was left seeing only his dark eyes, glaring back, illuminated by the flaring red blade. The attack was turned back on itself, and a wave of force energy plowed through her like a hurricane wind as he attempted to delve back into her mind.

  
The Jedi Killer pushed himself off the ground, pounding his chest twice more for good measure, raising his saber towards her once more, moving slowly closer, shambling almost. "Show me why it chose you!" he called.

 

* * *

 

Rey closed her eyes briefly, allowing his emotions to flood her, surround her. The darkness of it all making her gasp softly as she sifted through each feeling. She shook her head, the idea that he would be jealous of her life in isolation was baffling. Did he truly not grasp how lucky he had been to have not one, but _two_ legends as parents? To practically spit in their faces despite their kindness. It tightened her throat just to think of how ungrateful he was to his upbringing. She clung to this thought even as his walls were raised and she nearly lost her footing as she put distance between them. His dark, cold eyes simply weren't human. Had lost any sanity he had left previously. Though it was his tear stained cheeks that softened her rage-filled expression, that made her feel anything but contempt for the situation. "I would have killed to have had what you had." She whispered.

  
She hissed as he caught her off guard, feeling the force reaching into her mind like poisoned tendrils, the very darkness of his presence delving into her most precious thoughts. He had already seen her loneliness, her fear but not the extent of what she had gone through. Memories flickered through her mind at rapid speed. Of the scorching sands that burned her just to walk on them, of the endless hunger and thirst that she felt even when she was lucky enough to obtain a meal. That hunger would stay with her forever, a haunting reminder of the conditions her loved ones had left her in. The scum that had offered food and water in exchange for sexual favors, her disgust at their willingness despite her age. The fear that once she had scavenged the fallen ship for all it was worth, she would have nothing to offer Pluitt.

Her spirit had never been broken, her light never extinguished and she had refused to give in to the repulsive wishes of those that offered _'help'_. She fought hard, survived and earned every scrap she was given down to the clothes on her back. She envied Kylo's luxury, to not only be born as royalty but to rule the most powerful order of the present galaxy? Her mind flickered to recent events, her anguish at watching Han Solo's death, her resentment at watching him slice his saber up Finn's back. Though each time she felt him touch a personal memory, she shoved hard against his presence in her mind. Her teeth grinding as she groaned in protest at the feeling. Her eyes took in his form, his obviously struggling form, and she felt pity. Allowing this emotion to banish what hateful ones had threatened to take over.

She knew this would likely anger him, but she found she didn't care. She felt sympathy for Kylo, despite what he had done and was still doing now. "What pain you feel..you did this to yourself." She grit out, forcing him from her mind with great effort. The power it took to do so exhausted her. Realizing that she couldn't keep running from him but also realizing how close she had been to giving into the dark side with her anger earlier. She raised her saber, ready to defend. "If we both stay here, we die." Rey wasn't ready for death, wasn't ready to give up what she felt was her destiny. "All of your work, all of this pain will be for **nothing**." Trying to appeal to Kylo to let go of his vengeance so they could both live to fight another day. His comment ran right through her, unearthing the negative feelings she kept trying to bury.

  
She sprinted towards him with as she yelled, thrusting her saber towards him though his saber deflected the would be blow. She applied pressure against his saber with her own, sparks flying as the metallic sound vibrated between them. The heat coming off of them caused her to wince, her mouth set in a grimace as she fought to keep his saber away from her face. Her eyes locked onto his, urging him without words. "I don't want to kill you!" She admitted, knowing that murder often led to spiraling and it simply wasn't in Rey's nature. She had never taken a life before, had no desire to now that she had the chance. Even if it was Kylo Rens. Her hands trembled as she felt her arms growing tired, her breath shuddering. The temperature of the planet alone was taking its toll on her. She was used to a desert planet, having never been exposed to the cold let alone the near blizzard state the planet was in. She was shivering, her normally sun-kissed skin now pale as her body temperature dropped. If the explosion of the planet didn't kill her, the cold would.

  
That's when the rumbling got worse and the planet itself began to split in two, the split opening up into a full-blown fissure as it took trees and snow into its abyss. _"No! Finn!"_ She cried in fear, watching as the two of them were separated by far more distance than she could ever hope to cross. She took the opportunity to plant her foot against Kylo's stomach, pushing him with a slight kick to break free from the closeness as she wobbled to the edge of the now torn planet. The vibrations of the ground causing her to lose her footing as she dropped to her knees, tears that had gathered as she had recalled her memories previously now fell for her loss as she flipped herself to sit on her bottom so she could look up at Kylo. Still wielding her saber, still defending her body though the fight that had previously been in her gaze was dwindling.

 

* * *

 

Kylo Ren was flung backward by the kick, landing on his back a short ways from her, dazed by more than just the attack.

  
As he stared at her, a familiar looking Corellian transport swooped down onto the broken shard of planet that Finn was trapped on, and a wookie leaned out from the ramp and grabbed the man by the jacket. It called out to Rey, its roar loud and long, just as Kylo's command shuttle swooped down closer to them, charging its weapons menacingly, cowing the wookie temporarily, forcing them to retreat onto the safety of the transport.

  
Kylo meanwhile was unable to speak, processing what he had just seen in her mind. In countless interrogations, he'd never experienced what happened this time. He felt the hot sand burning his skin. The stomach pains of days without meals.

  
As she shouted at him about the urgency of the situation, still on his back, his saber sparking in the snow and sublimating the ice around it, he was still processing the information.

  
How could this happen? This was not the universe he was fighting to create. The First Order meant order, and if he had his way, no one would ever suffer as she had suffered. Places of villainy like Jakku would be civilized or snuffed out. If he had his way, no one would have ever experienced what she had experienced, and if she had belonged to him, she would live in a palace, and she would never want for anything. Nothing. Ever again.

  
He immediately wondered where those strange thoughts had come from. No sooner had he felt those unexpected, alien feelings, he realized another presence in his mind. Rey had heard that. All of it. He wasn't immediately sure if she had invaded his mind again or if he was somehow broadcasting it, but he knew instantly that she knew he had felt it.

  
His eyes widened in panic, almost terror. ** _"NO!"_** he shouted at her as if denying a zealous accusation that came from any source but his own mind. "You would not live in a palace!" he snarled, trying to maintain his controlled visage even as his world was figuratively and literally crumbling around him, each second being filled with more understanding of her. "You would starve in a cell!" he cried out with a complete lack of strength and conviction, swinging his saber at her with an equal lack of conviction, arcing short of her, causing him to lose his balance and fall forward.

  
He lay prone on the ground, pounding his chest with limited leverage, tears welling onto his face. "What have you done?!" he called out to her.

  
The command shuttle opened fire on the Millenium Falcon, damaging one of the nacelles and stripping off one of the landing gear. The wookie, now in the cockpit, roared with fury and tried to push the resistance pilot out of the seat. It was all the pilot could do to hold on to the stick for dear life and punch the hyperdrive to get them out of the line of fire.

  
Rey was alone with him now.

 

* * *

 

 

Rey exhaled sharply in relief, nearly gasping from the flood of elation sweeping through her body at seeing the Millenium Falcon so soon. Chewbacca's now familiar face sent a jolt of strength searing through her as she watched him gather Finn, knowing that he must still be alive. His call was one of grief, of longing and she could say nothing back, lacked the conviction to beg for the Wookie's help. To help her would mean to be close to Kylo and after watching the monster murder his friend, his family, she wouldn't subject him to being near Kylo again so soon. "No..!" She screeched in protest as the First Order shuttle aimed it's weapons at the Falcon.  
  
She stumbled to her feet, ignoring Kylo's stunned form even as his saber hissed against the snow in protest. That's when she felt the tendrils of his mind, though this time they didn't sift into her own but rather connected. The sensation shocked her, her muscles tense as she felt her curiosity peak. She closed her eyes gently as she let his words wash over her.  
  
Did he truly believe that the First Order meant bringing about organization and peace to the galaxy? What did he think destroying multiple planets had meant? That action had been the most heartbreaking thing Rey had ever witnessed second only to Han Solo's death. She found herself torn at the idea of Jakku being destroyed. The only home she had ever known, even though she detested it with every fiber of her being. Where would she return to if not Jakku? Would she ever find her parents if they had no planet to return to? Though his next words robbed her of breath, finding it hard to even inhale oxygen into her lungs. Belonged..to _him_? She turned to face him wearily, her eyebrows furrowed as her eyes searched his face. Her chest rapidly rising and falling as she pant, she couldn't stop the spread of warmth throughout her body, the feelings spreading out through the bond itself at the idea that anyone would look upon her as someone worth lavishing.

  
She swallowed the rough lump of emotion that threatened to rise in her throat, chasing the feeling so foreign but welcomed to her, gently teasing at the edges of his mind even though it wasn't needed with the passion he was putting forth into his thoughts. She nearly laughed, the idea of her being in a palace with Kylo at her side. Being treated like a princess to the dark prince of the galaxy. The idea made her dizzy with disbelief..and want. She found herself desiring the sense of belonging though this thought scared her more than anything. Telling herself that he must have corrupted her thoughts, that there was no way she would actually ache to rule alongside him. To have him pamper her like she was royalty. The fact that she was being dishonest to herself choked her.   
  
  
Rey felt the shock as Kylo felt her thoughts joining his, flinching in surprise at the rise of his voice. Her expression fell as he continued, nodding numbly as if in agreement. A cell, yes. Of course. She was destined for nothing but a life of entrapment and starvation. She scrambled back slowly just as his saber came short of making contact with her. She sputtered in shock, " _ Me _ ?! What have  _ I _ done?!" She protested, her hand flying over her heart as if stunned that he was accusing her of his own thoughts. "I couldn't think my own thoughts if I wanted to, your mind is so loud in my own!" Her snarl fading from her face as she realized she admitted just how strong his presence was in her own mind.   
  
  
_"I felt it."_ She began, passion beginning to fill her hazel gaze. "The light inside of you. It's not been driven from you fully." She insisted as if trying to reach for some buried humanity inside of him. Rey was distracted as she turned to watch the beloved Wookie struggling with the pilot to come for her, feeling devastation setting in as they left her behind on the barren planet. She gritted her teeth, trying to stop the flood of tears that threatened to spill. Fearing that if she started to really cry, she might never stop. She turned to face him, pressing the activation switch on her saber and withdrawing it into the hilt. "You can strike me down right now and it would all be over." She offered, holding her chin high with confidence that he wouldn't do such a thing. Not after what she had heard in his mind. Not when there was any lingering doubt of what she meant to him.   


  
"Or we can work together.." She kneeled in front of him, ignoring the fact that his shuttle was landing near them, the gate lowering as she was sure stormtroopers were sure to follow suit. She searched his eyes, "I can..I could heal you.." Her voice was almost frantic. She had heard of force healing, had heard the legends but had passed them off as myths. When a force sensitive focused, sacrificing their own energy and well being to heal another's wounds. She was sure she could do this, found that she wanted to help. Wanted to see what light Han Solo had been so sure of. Fear filled her at the idea of being taken captive by the First Order yet again though what was her other choice? Certain death? She shivered as the cold began to take its toll on her exhaustive state.   
  


* * *

 

 

Work together?!  _ Heal him?! _   
  
  
This was madness. The light in him was gone. Snoke had worked in him a heart hardened to do what had to be done to preserve order in the galaxy. Things that neither the Jedi, nor the politicians on those corrupt core worlds had the stomach or the backbone to do to ensure the safety of their people. The light in him was gone! Snoke promised him that all conflict in him would fade the moment he killed his father.  _ The light in him was gone! _   
  
  
He pushed himself up on one arm, pounding his chest twice more. First, he managed to kneel, and finally to stand, wobbling somewhat at the effort once he was up. He stood across from her within striking distance, his face solid like stone. "Then I must strike you down." He lifted his saber and held it out towards her, stopping just short of her skin, radiating the warmth on her.   
  
  
His stone expression began to falter. He was at war. If he couldn't strike her down, everything he had worked for, the training, the murders, all of his friends, and now his family... If he couldn't strike down this simple girl, then it had been for nothing, and the conflict he sought for so long to destroy would not end. But try as he might, with every ounce of strength and will that he could muster, he could not move the blade one inch closer to her, beyond the distance it held currently from her neck where the warmth it provided was almost pleasant in the cold breeze.   
  
  
He couldn't kill her. He wanted to sear her with the blade. Or scar her. Anything to make her hate him more. But he could do none of those things. He could only watch her pity him.   
  
  
The crimson flaming blade retreated into its hilt, and his stone expression was gone. He was still standing, but he had been destroyed.   
  
  
"Go," he said, gesturing to the ship over his shoulder. No stormtroopers emerged from the shuttle, but two medical droids were watching the unfolding drama with extreme confusion. "We need to leave now."   
  
  
A small nudge at her back started her moving. He wanted to use the force to throw her onto the shuttle so he could leave this wretched place, but he couldn't bring the force to bear against her that way anymore either.   
  



	2. I've found a way to save you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Placing her hands back on him, she pushed him onto his back, gazing down at his face for a moment. All the worry lines, the angry snarls, everything was gone and all that was left was an expression of serenity. He looked far younger now that he appeared to be asleep and she found herself reaching over to his face, her fingertips ghosting over his cheek in curiosity at the feel of his skin and the way the odd sensation inside of her seemed to purr in approval at her affectionate gesture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all are enjoying the story so far! The best is yet to come but build up is necessary! I can't wait until the bond is fully revealed. As always, comments & kudos are appreciated! =D Let us know what you think!

She wasn't surprised when he rejected her offer, not really. Watching as he beat upon his wounds, the pain seemed to fuel him. Rey could feel the turmoil swirling around him She could only imagine how painful it must be to hear that killing your father had equated to nothing. No physical attack could ever cause him the emotional pain that he would carry with him forever. Horror flared through her but she remained steady in her choice. If he wanted to end her life, then so be it. The force radiated around her and she knew she was making the right decision. This would be the telling moment to prove if he was truly gone as he claimed to be. If Ben Solo was lost. She whimpered slightly as the saber neared her face, the warmth would have been comforting had she not been concerned with it burning her flesh. Her eyes searched his desperately for understanding, for mercy as she awaited his decision.

Her gaze pleaded with him to prove to her that there was something left to redeem. Maybe it was the scavenger in her that wanted to find something to salvage within him. She inhaled sharply as she closed her eyes, her eyelids twitching due to the flickering bright beam of his crimson blade. Her body trembled, though she knew not if it was from fear or the cold itself. There was no one waiting for her at home. She had hardly known the Resistance long enough for them to mourn her. Kylo had a free pass to snuff out his potential downfall. She exhaled in a rush once the heat from the saber was gone. Her eyes fluttering open to look on him with something mixed with confusion and hope itself.

Relief flooding her, causing her muscles that were once tense to sag as she realized no stormtroopers were on board. Realizing that Kylo Ren truly had come alone when he announced it was just them left on the base. Noting that perhaps his word could be trusted, if only a little bit. Rey hesitated, though it seemed to dawn on Kylo Ren that she had been right and if they didn't leave soon, both of them would be wiped out of existence. The nudge broke her concentration on him, her expression was slack aside from concern filled eyes as she made her way to the shuttle. A small part of her had wanted to help him, remembering how he had struggled to lunge after her again and again. Though he seemed too prideful to allow a 'desert rat' to help him at all.   
  
The medical droids chose to communicate with a series of beeping and chirps instead of the majority preferred English language. Rey had spent a lot of time trading with other species, learning the tools needed to be successful in her scavenging and had because of this, had become fluent in many languages. Communicating with droids was her favorite given the kindness from them had been the only genuine kindness she had felt before she met Finn. "No, no thank you." She insisted, "Please, attend to him. He needs it." Her voice was slightly urgent as she sat in the opening of the shuttle, refusing to move further inside of it. Wrapping her arms around herself as she breathed harshly, conserving body heat. Waiting for him to join her, the shuttle doors closing as the navigation sat its path onto a hyperspeed route in order to take them away from the planet before the explosion could touch them.   
  
She sighed with relief, joy singing in her that one of the last things Han had done, had been successful. Destroying the base, even if it had almost cost them their lives. It would have been worth it if it had. She shifted uncomfortably against the cold metal of the floor. "You don't have to hide from me. It's just me." As if that held any meaning. What Rey had meant was, she was a nobody. Having overheard Han himself refer to her as such to Maz. She held no reputation in the galaxy, her opinion and voice amounted to nothing. She rested her head against the wall, closing her eyes as her breathing was now steady. "I know there is good in you." Not just because he had spared her but.. "The saber showed me." Remembering when he had told her to show him why it chose her. "Search my mind, you'll know it to be true. You save my life by killing one of your own." The vision still seared in her mind, she was still in just as much shock as she'd imagine _he_ would be in upon hearing it.   


 

* * *

 

 

Kylo Ren quite literally shambled many paces beside her. As she scrambled up the ramp into the shuttle, she was briefly silhouetted against the bright light coming down the ramp into the dark, icey, firey night. He raised his eyes, holding a hand over them as his eyes adjusted, only to see her, surrounded in brightness, looking over her shoulder at him.   


The girl, bathed in light. He knew it had been her.   
  
He stomped up the ramp, towards the medical droids who buzzed around him, assessing the damage.   
  
The ramp was raised and the ship's pilot droid took the shuttle screaming out of the atmosphere as the planet, containing the material density of a sun as its payload, gave way with a crashing roar, collapsing in on itself. Within seconds a fusion reaction had begun, and a new dwarf star had been born.   
  
Kylo stood before her, listening to her talk about her vision, swaying even as the shuttle was rocked by the shockwave of the planet behind them exploding into a fiery mass.   
  
She could feel his mind growing dark. There wasn't enough strength for him to search her mind. His vision was blurred and he was having trouble staying upright.   
  
It became apparent quickly that he had not pumped his heart for a few minutes.   
  
He raised a hand to point wearily at her. Addressing the droids, he managed to blurt out "Take her into custody," before falling forward, passing out flat on the floor.   
  
The two medical droids were designed for precision medical surgery. They lacked the appendages to take anything into custody unless it fit between the grips of their tiny tweezers or forceps. They looked to one another, and then to Rey. Then they looked down to Kylo Ren's unconscious body, and back to each other. Finding no answer from their master or eachother, they returned to looking at Rey for commands.   
  
  


* * *

 

 

Rey found that even though she was pleased that Han Solo's work had taken hold and the planet had been demolished, she was upset that a location so beautiful had to be destroyed in order to prevent making things easier for the First Order. It had been the first time that Rey had experienced snow, the texture had been foreign to her and while dangerous to her core temperature, she had found herself marveling at the colors even as she had struggled to regain her footing after Kylo Ren had thrown her into the trees. She only wished that the circumstances had been different for her first and possibly only moment around such a terrain.  
  
She watched him curiously, "Sit down." Her tone stern, trying to be authoritative as concern etched over her features. While she still very much viewed him as a monster, Rey wouldn't allow him to die under her watch. Not after feeling the turmoil his mind was under. She told herself that he was simply lost, poisoned by thoughts planted by something far more evil than he could ever be. Snoke. It had to be Snoke. She settled her blame on the being she had only heard stories about. Flinching at the vibration of the planet exploding behind them. It was then that she tilted her head gently, probing to find that Kylo lacked the strength to sift through her thoughts let alone stand. It was then that she realized him pounding against his chest hadn't been about causing pain, but had been about surviving. She swallowed roughly as her worry for his condition tightened her throat. She hurried to his feet as he slumped to the floor, his words an echo as Rey got into a defensive position, awaiting the droids to follow his orders.  
  
Her eyes flickering between them as they did to her before she realized that they lacked the ability to do so. She wondered idly if they even had the tools to heal his wounds, the tiny tools attached to their appendages seemed doubtful. Her body jolted in shock as they turned to her for commands though she smiled slightly as this gave her the ability to set their course. "Leave it to me, stand by in case I need you two." She murmured encouragingly before moving to the cockpit of the shuttle. Finding that the shuttle contained a decent sized bunk, noting this for later. She steadied herself, trying to keep up the facade that she was in control. "Take us to Naboo, a planet in the mid rim." She began to touch the navigation map that was built into the control panel of the shuttle, moving the map along with her fingertips until she got to the outer rim border in which Naboo was close to. "Scan for lifeforms, we need to settle where there are few if any at all." She insisted.  
  
Any other time, Rey would have hopped at the chance to pilot the shuttle herself and most likely would have to if the droid didn't understand where Rey wanted to go but she wanted to focus on her fallen enemy more than worry about their location. "Take the hyperspeed lane, it's faster." She pondered this, "You need to push more coolant into the drive core, we have no time to wait for the engine to adjust to the speeds needed to take off into hyperspeed." She explained gently, waiting for the droid to heed her advice before she moved back to Kylo's unconscious form.  
  
"Ok Rey, you can do this..you can do this.." She chant urgently to herself as her hands made contact with his body, the simple action of touching him sending electricity rushing through her body. She drew her hands back to herself in a panic as if the contact had burned her flesh, realizing that this was the first time she had willingly touched him for something other than intended violence. The vibration of the force humming inside of her irritated her as it increased the urgency of his health resting on her shoulders. Placing her hands back on him, she pushed him onto his back, gazing down at his face for a moment. All the worry lines, the angry snarls, everything was gone and all that was left was an expression of serenity. He looked far younger now that he appeared to be asleep and she found herself reaching over to his face, her fingertips ghosting over his cheek in curiosity at the feel of his skin and the way the odd sensation inside of her seemed to purr in approval at her affectionate gesture.  
  
She grit her teeth, her jaw set in a firm line as she withdrew her hand. She wouldn't go soft on him just because he appeared to be an innocent human when asleep. Ignoring the throb in her heart that somewhere deep down, he had once been Ben Solo. Exhaling a shuddering breath to calm her nerves, she hovered her hands above his torso. Closing her eyes as she willed the force to surround her, drawing strength in the desperate feelings swirling inside of her. She had only read of this a few times and had no idea if it even worked, never getting the chance to talk to another force sensitive about what the force was truly capable of. She focused on his body, sensing where ligaments were torn, muscles were shredded by the bowcaster. Even worse, both her and Finn's lightsaber damage had not only ripped into his muscle, but had cauterized the wounds from the sheer heat. She gulped nervously, guilt running through her given that he hadn't actually hurt her, yet.  
  
Though he had hurt Finn, she kept reminding herself of this, the thought alone making her want to leave him be. Let him die where he lay. If not for the odd stirrings inside of her that simply wouldn't let that happen. The force around her hummed as her hands lowered to his chest, using her energy, her very life essence to focus on healing his wounds. She could feel the muscles healing themselves, creating stitching to pull the mutilated parts back together inside of him. The torn ligaments healing themselves in record time as it began to take a toll on Rey, feeling the hum of the force growing until it was an audible sound in the air around them. An almost metallic roar as it grew stronger with the effort she put forth, the more literal life that she pushed into his form, the more it took from her. Energy, for energy. Life for a life.  
  
She paused momentarily, feeling light-headed as she pant, coasting her hands down his body as she settled over Chewie's wound finding that it had knicked his stomach. This provoked further panic as she felt her own body growing weaker with her attempts to heal him. The medical droids looked on with concern as she squeezed her eyes tightly closed, exhaling shakily as the air around them grew tense. The metallic hum of the force grew louder as she healed his deepest wound, the final wound. Leaving nothing but pink faded scars littering his body where each wound had been. Her heart was racing as she finished, her vision threatening to narrow as her eyes fluttered open and she moved away from his body now, wrapping her trembling arms around her equally shaken form. She felt impossibly more exhausted than she had previously, though pride swelled in her heart that the force had graced her with such a gift.  
  
Her thoughts drifted to Naboo, unbeknownst to her, it had been the location of the start of his beloved grandfather and love's relationship. A beautiful planet littered with plains, lakes, and caves. She intended to land near a cave system, somewhere where both of them could recuperate with a freshwater source nearby but the warmth and shelter of the cave. Growing up, she had no one to keep her company. Infinite loneliness, though she had found solace in her reading everything she could get her hands on. Naboo had always sounded heavenly. She was a survivor, natural born scavenger. She knew she could easily adapt to finding them food if rations weren't aboard the shuttle.  
  
Her eyes casting back to Kylo's form, reaching her tendrils out to his to probe his health. Force healing wasn't an instant fix, she was sure that he would still be weary as his body adjusted to the healing. But he would be in much better shape than she, given it had sapped her completely to give so much of her own vitality to him. Knowing that he would have an advantage over her temporarily weakened state worried her, though she only hoped he extended the same kindness and spared her conflict. She wanted to stay awake, to make sure the pilot droid got them there safely, but she couldn't keep her eyes open. Exhaustion dragging her down like the waves of an ocean she had only dreamt about.  
  


* * *

 

 

The two medical bots seemed to be relieved as she took control of the situation, their appendages slumping in what must have been a sigh of relief.  
  
The pilot droid, not accustomed to taking orders from anyone other than Kylo Ren himself, looked over his shoulder in shock. He chittered something abruptly and startled in droidspeak, the equivalent of "What the actual blazes?!" She pointed to Naboo on the map and he stared at it for a long moment, leaning out of his chair to observe the two medical droids. They gave him no additional assistance beyond a noncommittal shrug.  
  
Pilot droid threw up his tiny hands and obeyed what the girl had told him.  
  
It was clear that there was no expectation Kylo Ren would have ever brought a 'survivor' onto this shuttle. No protocols were made for this situation, so they simply followed whoever seemed to have the best idea, it seemed.  
  
  
  
\-------------  
  
  
  
It was probably close to 24 hours before Kylo Ren's eyes shot open, exhaling, coughing and sputtering like he'd been drowning. He jerked upwards, looking around the ship for answers.  
  
He was alive, that much was instantly apparent. They were in hyperspace, but where were they going? He couldn't recognize any of the stars as they whizzed past the windows, and when you've spent as much time hyperspace as he had, sooner or later you start to recognize the landmarks.  
  
Looking down to his chest, he was surprised to see the hole the bowcaster had left in him had been healed... healed beyond the abilities of his two incompetent medical droids. How could this have happened? Surely it couldn't have been...  
  
He looked to his left, seeing Rey, still asleep or unconscious, propped up against the wall beside him.  
  
No, not _'Rey'_. She was 'the pesky girl from StarKiller Base'. He couldn't afford such familiarity attaching her further to him. He couldn't use her name.  
  
Had she used the force to heal him? This required further investigation. He stood, groaning quietly to himself, joints creaking, trying not to wake her. He did not have a plan to deal with the interloper yet.  
  
He stood and worked his way into his bunk, limping somewhat, holding his chest where the blast had disintegrated a chunk of him, more out of fear of undoing what had healed, than out of necessity. The bunk was lavish by shuttle standards, sporting the standard clean white appearance so common to high ranking officer quarters, but sterile. There wasn't anything to denote who this space belonged to, aside from a black and chrome facemask beside the mirror.  
  
Moving to the mirror, dropping his cloak on the floor and lifting what remained of his shirt to inspect the damage, he eyed the new, large patch of scar tissue on both his front and back, where the bolt had nearly gone clean through. He tried to inspect his shoulder but was too stiff to get a good angle on it, so he pulled his shirt off over his head and looked into the mirror again. His shoulder scar was also pinker in hue. These new ones did not match his other scars at all.  
  
Nearly every inch of his skin was covered in scars, varying in size, depth, and stage of healing, but all were the same color -- a shade or two darker than his natural skin tone, the closest that the medi-gel could get to replicating his real flesh.  
  
A few were scars earned in battle. A few more were scars received during his saber training. The majority were scars from when Snoke took him in as his apprentice, where he was flayed with whips and barbs and beams for weeks, maybe months on end. Snoke showed him only pain until he could finally feel nothing at all.  
  
That was what was required. For order to be restored, there needed to be someone like him, who could withstand the pain of doing what needed to be done, regardless of the personal cost. Too many times he'd seen his mother and father return from a navigating a remote border world dispute, or the quelling of a planetary uprising, only to leave again immediately to try to resolve the same issue once more. He knew full well from their absence that a soft, diplomatic touch was not what it took to really resolve issues, and that people suffered and died as they flailed helplessly to stop it. It was the nature of the galaxy was to tear itself apart, as long as soft people let it.  
  
Perhaps it was vanity, but he stifled a sense of disappointment, having hoped that one day all of the scars would match and cover him completely, making him appear as if he truly had no scars at all.  
  
He flexed his shoulder and his chest, seeing the new tissue was holding, satisfied that he was in no danger of a rupture. He was in peak physical condition, below the skin that was almost not even his anymore.  
  
The strong were needed to sacrifice much to impose order, despite the pain it caused. He had no illusions. War was needed to cut away the cancer. War, in all of its glory, and all of its horror. War that his people had begun, and war that he had hoped would end immediately with the demonstration of the immense power of the StarKiller base. The lives lost on those planets would be nothing when compared to those spared if the resistance had surrendered and the peoples of the galaxy fell in line.  
  
Now, with Starkiller Base destroyed, there was no hope that those lives would be spared. That the suffering would not worsen. _War was coming_.  
  
He touched the helmet with his fingers, the smooth chrome. He'd need to continue to be strong to stop the madness the galaxy so wanted to immerse itself in.  
  
It was only now that he became aware of a second presence, peering through his eyes into the mirror, overhearing the narrative he'd just played in his head. How much had been seen or overheard, he did not know. The thought of anyone else seeing him in this state, or knowing him this deeply, filled him with self-doubt and shame and indignity. He clenched his eyes shut hard and slammed a closed fist into the mirror shattering it so that at least, they could not see his reflection any longer.

 

* * *

  
Rey drifted in and out of sleep, dismayed each time that her eyes fluttered open to see that Kylo's form had yet to move. She began to wonder if maybe she had done something wrong, if she had only _thought_ she had healed everything. Though a gentle probing with the force told her that he was still alive. Each time she checked for reassurance, the action left her weak yet again. Succumbing to sleep despite her wishes to stay alert.  
  
She dreamt of the same things she always had. Of her family returning for her on that barren wasteland of a planet. Of them holding some explanation as to why she was left in the first place, of why they abandoned her. To know that it wasn't something that she had done. That it wasn't her fault that her life had turned out as empty and lonely as it had. When that dream took a dark turn, she smothered it. Moving to a dream in which she was still on Jakku, only she was the best scavenger around. Earning enough portions that she didn't have to scavenge in the brutal heat. That she could afford to trade for clean, pristine water instead of the muddy water shared with beasts of the planet. She squirmed as the thoughts plagued her mind until a familiar voice dragged her from the dreams that were more like nightmares.  
  
She was barely awake, her hand flying to her belt to find that her saber was still attached. It perplexed her that Kylo had the perfect opportunity to steal her saber and yet chose not to. Or perhaps he simply hadn't thought to try. She'd imagine that he would have been stunned to wake up and find that he had been healed completely. Sleep threatened to take her again and she allowed herself to close her eyes but remain aware. She didn't want to be in Kylo's mind any more than she wanted to keep him out of hers. But his presence was strong and she found his thoughts seemed to broadcast themselves rather loudly.  
  
She could see what he was seeing, the scars that covered his body. Could imagine how painful it must have been to receive each one. She couldn't imagine actually wanting to feel that pain, that level of anguish. Her heart hurt for him, to think that someone could be that far gone. Though she didn't delve into his inner dialogue, only choosing to visualize what he was seeing in the mirror. Swallowing roughly as her eyes soaked up his shirtless appearance, finding him attractive despite how battle-hardened he was. How ruthless, merciless and cruel he could be. The sensation sickened her to her core. _What was wrong with her?_ She wanted now more than ever to back away from his feelings but they continued to draw her in when she heard that he wished for one day to have no scars at all. She wanted to shout at him, to tell him to stop before there would never be any going back. But she didn't want him to know that she was awake at all.  
  
To hear that war was coming sent shudders throughout her body and for a brief moment, she wondered if she had done the wrong thing. If she had simply let him die, it wouldn't have been at her hands. She hadn't delivered a final blow, her hands would have been clean and the galaxy would be one step closer to safety. She seethed at this, directing the anger towards herself as her eyes flew open. As he punched the mirror, watching it shatter, she jumped in slight fear at his outburst. Though frustration soon replaced it. "This was a mistake!" She shouted, hoping he could hear her even though he was far from her. She staggered to her feet, making her way toward him wearily.  
  
"I should of.." No, that was a lie. "I _could_ have let you die." And the galaxy would be safe, right? Who would Snoke have to command then? And it's not like it would be a disservice to Kylo, she would be putting him out of the obvious misery he was in. Did he even know _how_ to smile? To be happy? Was he even still capable of it? But why would she care about his joy anyway? Rey felt light-headed, stumbling until her back hit the wall and she slid down its length finding she lacked the strength to stand upright at the moment. She was recovering, but without food or water the process was taking longer than she thought it would. Her breathing was shallow but steady as she kept her hand near her saber, just in case his outburst directed to her. "You'll never stop, will you?" She murmured, "Not until you're no longer breathing." He was bred for destruction, the bloodline tainted him it seemed.  
  
She couldn't have been happier with her choice of destination. The peaceful planet of Naboo was just what he needed to be grounded. To feel peace and nature at its core instead of being surrounded by metal and mindless drones. "I'm not going to give up on changing that." She blurted, "Might as well get used to it." She wouldn't let go of the fact that the light was still lurking within him, that he wasn't a complete monster. That something human still hummed inside, beneath all the grief. Changing her tone, she tentatively asked, "How does it feel..?" Her heart now strong, no longer struggling. "Did it work?" She had acted on instinct, not sure if her healing had held up in the places he needed it most.   


 

* * *

 

 

Before she drew close to it, the door to his bunk remained sealed. Though sound could not penetrate it, he heard every word she uttered, and every thought she directed at him like a knife.  
  
He kept his eyes clenched shut. His vision was the only thing he could still _choose_ to deny her. It was the small modicum of control that he needed to feel alone, though it was clear he was not.  
  
He listened quietly as she told him she should have... _could have_ let him die. She would surely feel his rage surge, but then disappear as quickly.  
  
As she came closer the door sprang open.  
  
Each time she spoke, his anger would flare, but with each outburst the intensity decreased dramatically, replaced by something that was hard to identify. Even he could not fully recognize the cause but felt his ability to hate her being disarmed, as much as he wanted to. With his eyes shut still, he sat on the bed and buried his face in his hands.  
  
Naboo. He had heard tales of the beautiful planet but had never been. He did not want to go there. Seeing the beauty and the wildlife and the people would make it harder to do what was needed if the time came. Making memories there would make it more difficult to bring fire to that planet if that was what was required.  
  
As she asked him how he felt, she could feel his ire surge one last time, strengthening again, as he felt a thousand outbursts in his head all crying out at once. Threats, insults, primal screams of rage and pain, and instantly, they all melted into nothing.  
  
The words that ended up leaving his mouth were "Yes, it helped very much." He sounded heartbroken by them even as he spoke them.

 

* * *

  
Rey was confused each time his rage fluctuated and while she had been aiming to hurt him, his lack of response disturbed her and she found herself feeling guilty of being capable of such cruelty. Rey was seething, each sensation of anger at herself fueling the previous. She understood where it was leading to and she wanted no part of it. She would not, refused to be.. _like him_. No matter how connected she felt to his mind, she wouldn't allow his darkness to fuel her own. She would smother the poison inside of her and nurture the light. She paused at the door as it opened for her, her eyes settling on his form as he buried his face in his hands. Was she so repulsive that he couldn't even look at her?  
  
Rey felt her anger fading, her muscles relaxing as she closed her eyes and willed the negative feelings away. She was silent, letting his thoughts fill the space between them. She staggered backward for a moment as his thoughts went from almost heart wrenching to intense hatred in a span of seconds. Though she recovered quickly as he spoke, his tone making her heart ache in response. She made her way over to the cot and sat on the edge, away from him yet near enough that the gentle hum that seemed to connect them like a string vibrated with satisfaction. Rey sighed softly, soaking in the feeling of contentment that being near him seemed to give her. Ignoring the fact of who it was that was giving her that sense of fulfillment in the first place. If the force wished for her to be near him, perhaps it was for a bigger purpose. Maybe it was her destiny to save him from himself, from his pain. She decided this had to be the case. What else could it be?  
  
"Good." Her voice clipped and stern before she reminded herself that bitterness would get them nowhere. Another long sigh almost like meditation before she turned her head to look at him, her gaze wandering his form. "There is no logic in destroying a peaceful planet, to bring about more peace." She tried to explain, "The First Order isn't always justified in their decisions." She stated sternly, firmly believing that there could be no justification for the murder of thousands. "Leave your duty to the order behind you for just a few days. Recharge. War will still be waiting for you when you get back." She reasoned.  
  
A light laugh of disbelief left her, "I can't believe it actually worked." A slight smile trying to tug at her lips though she worked hard to smother it. "The..the force healing. I had never done that before." She explained, "I only read about it once..but it didn't feel right. Letting you die." No, that had not been his time to go. She had felt it in her very core that what she had done was right even if she worried that it would backfire on her later.  
  
Before she could stop herself, images of what Kylo had looked like when he was passed out flickered through her mind. Of her fingertips ghosting his skin before she worked to save his life. Of her pleasure at seeing how innocently human he had looked, at the sensation touching his skin had given her. She jumped up as if she had been burned, squeezing her eyes tightly shut for a moment as if it could make the memory disappear before he caught a glimpse of it. She put space between them, moving to the wall opposite of him.   


Had she been too late to stop him from seeing her memories?


	3. Pain leads to suffering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He sighed. He was going to give her what she wanted. "You are not the only person the force has brought into my mind," he said simply. "You were the first who could hear my voice, but not the first whose voice was shared with me."
> 
> He shook his head. It didn't feel good to share. It pained him to continue, and he struggled to keep his face from contorting angrily.
> 
> "You have suffered enormously," he explained, tears welling in his eyes. "But you know nothing of suffering," he growled, eyes twisted in jealousy, to have suffered alone in silence as she had. Beautiful isolation. Glorious silence. "You could never understand if I told you. You could only understand if I showed you."
> 
> He gazed back at her, eyes like moist stone, waiting to see if she had the courage to understand what she'd asked to know.

* * *

 

As she tried to convince him to leave the order behind for a few days, he wanted to try to explain why that was so difficult. It wasn't a question of loyalty or desire or what would happen if he were caught. It was about the consequences of his work being postponed, even for a day. He sighed loudly, rubbing his eyes to obscure the tears of frustration, angry with himself for even considering it. Perhaps he _did_ need a day to recover. Besides, there was no fast resolution to the coming war. And the torturous screams, and sobs, and cries weren't as loud when she was nearby.

He wished he could explain, but settled that he would not be able to. "Alright," he said simply, agreeing to her proposal to stay on Naboo without incident. Just for a short while. He listened to her surprise about the healing process. He had never seen anyone use the force to heal. None of the Jedi, or any of the Knights of Ren. Not even Snoke. He wondered briefly if Snoke knew how, or if he would use or teach it even if he _did_. Her sentiment about not letting him die warmed him somewhat.

He sat upright on the cot, again thoughts of shouting at her about weakness in battle or calling her a child raced through his mind, but once again his voice surprised her. "I am grateful," he said, monotone, as always almost in disbelief he was saying it. "For what you did," he clarified. He did seem to catch only a faint glimmer of the thought that sent her moving to the other side of the room, and she may have caught him seeing it. It was the best he could do to look away and pretend poorly that he was preoccupied with something, and began looking for a shirt, trying not to think about the attractive flush that came to her face, how sweet of a moue she made when she thought of something that she didn't want him to know. Then he realized that he had just thought that, and she had probably seen it, just as clearly if not more so. _God damn it._

 

* * *

 

She observed him quietly, expecting a negative response but finding herself filled with the teasing of excitement as he agreed. The smile she had smothered earlier broke free at the idea of Kylo Ren being anything less than menacing. She wondered idly what he looked like when he smiled, what his laugh would sound like. Things that she was sure no one had heard in years. How could you express joy at the expense of the death of others? Her eyes fluttered closed as contentment settled inside of her at his remark. Kylo Ren, **grateful**. _That_ alone was a victory. Transfixed by the fact that he could sound so displeased yet his words held opposite meaning.  
  
She had waited patiently to see if she had accidentally broadcasted her memory though was pleased when she saw no reaction, felt no words leaving him towards her. She sighed gently in relief as she moved away from the wall if only to avoid suspicion of why she had practically flown from the cot. Hazel eyes traveled curiously over his shirtless form, taking in the ripple of his muscle as he moved about in search of a shirt. Feeling a flicker of heat settling in her stomach in the form of nervous flutters. Sensations caused by others were still new to Rey, given how long she had been isolated away from the wanted company of others. _Wanted._ It surprised her to hear that word in her mind, to grasp that part of her enjoyed being near him when the threat of life and death were put on hold.  
  
She was fascinated by her own stirrings of attraction for him, trying to move her thoughts elsewhere. Such as why hadn't he taken her saber? Why didn't he try to kill her now while she was weakened? It unsettled her. She had felt comforted previously by the idea of Kylo being some inhuman killing machine but to witness a more human side of him disarmed any anger that she had continued holding. She literally felt it melt from her the longer she thought about it. How ashamed would Finn be of her right now? To know that she had compassion for their greatest threat. That's when his thoughts reached her and she stiffened at the revelation.  
  
Her lips parting as she absorbed the information, the flush furthering across her cheeks as her bashfulness skyrocketed. So he had seen what she had done? How much had he seen? "I was just..I was feeling for a..for your pulse." She nearly squeaked out in a frantic stumbling of words. The lie was poorly constructed and she winced at her own incompetence. She had spent far too long staring at his face in which she found beautiful, as dangerous things always are. How his skin had felt beneath her fingertips and how mesmerized she felt by the force coaxing her to continue. And how would it have felt if she had really touched him?  
  
This last thought strangled Rey and she audibly cleared her throat. Her eyes wide as she tried to think of anything else. "How much did you see?" She started, walking towards him as her tone took on an authoritative lift. "Because it wasn't what you think. I felt nothing. It was purely clinical. I needed to save your life. I didn't know what I was doing. I lingered from..from shock." She reasoned, trying to convince herself more than she was trying to convince him desperately. The last thing she needed was for her nemesis to have a weakness over her.

 

* * *

 

Kylo watched her trying to backpedal the thoughts she was trying so hard to deny, that perhaps _were_ coming through to him more clearly than they were to herself. It was flattering to be thought of that way, and he could think of worse people to think it. Even after what they'd been through, days of interrogation, escape, dueling on a dying world, healing his wounds and slipping in and out of consciousness, draped in rags and covered in soot and dirt, she was anything but homely. It was difficult not to admire how her hair framed her face, and her soft, yet frantic, eyes. And the way her ragged clothes concealed the mystery of her figure, but periodically shifted in just such a way as to hint at something to be treasured underneath.  
  
And there it was. _Again_. Broadcast for her to hear.  
  
He slumped off of the cot and stood again, passing close by her and moving to a small closet, removing another shirt -- black of course. "I hate this," he groaned, simply. "It is exhausting and it is clearly worsening. I don't know why I can hear your thoughts, and you mine, but I believe we must reach an accord."  
  
He slipped it on over his head immediately and turned to her. It was form fitting, tight enough to show off his physique. He began looking for a second shirt. "With this... whatever it is... we cannot afford a distraction from mundane thoughts." Even though there was nothing mundane about her at all. **_Damn it!_**   "We will suffer perpetual embarrassment either way. I think that we must accept this, and agree not to belabor or use it against one another. There will be plenty of time for us to destroy one another after we've rid ourselves of this... _this._ "  
  
He paced for a moment. He'd not read anything about this or heard anything of it from his training, or from Snoke. He needed to learn about it first hand if he was ever going to be free to think about soft lips or pert backsides again. **_DAMN it!_** He glanced over to her to make sure she was not enjoying herself, the way he did when he caught her.  
  
Distance! Perhaps that was the solution. "Stay here," he said aloud, instantly wondering if it would've been more efficient to think it.  
  
Though the shuttle wasn't large, the bunk was on the far side of the ship from the cockpit. He left the room, door swishing shut behind him, leaving her in the room with his personal belongings, and his saber. What was the point of worrying about it now? It's not like she could ambush him, could she?  
  
He entered the cockpit, moving as far forward as he could, nearly crawling over the control panel to get a few extra inches, much to the confusion of the pilot droid.

 

* * *

 

Rey winced as she listened to his response without him ever needing to speak a word. It was clear that both of them were aware that she wasn't fooling anyone with her frenzied excuses. Surprised to find that after all that they had been through together, he could think of anything positive about her. She had _actually_ tried to kill him for makers sake! Until she had found herself unable to finish the job when presented the option. Hearing his observe her created an odd self-observation swirling in Rey's thoughts. Wondering idly what she must look like to others. Her outfit was self-made out of crude materials that needed replacing often due to her line of work. She supposed she really did look like a desert rat, lowering her head in slight shame of how she had been forced to live.  
  
Though hearing him inquire about how her body looked beneath the rags, of how she wasn't exactly unattractive in his eyes, instantly perked up her spirits. Lifting her chin as she leveled her hazel eyes to meet his darker gaze. She breathed shakily, still stunned to know that he had similar thoughts about her. Finding pleasure in the fact that she had seen him without his shirt, part of the mystery of what he looked like beneath his robes was solved for her at lease, she mused with a wry smile. Knowing that he didn't have the same treat.  
  
He had a point, it was beyond exhausting to try and hide every thought inside your head. To feel the humiliation of your enemy knowing you enjoyed touching them and wanted to touch them more. Rey groaned internally at her inability to stop her racing thoughts. "Obviously, I can't go on living like thi-" Her frustrated voice cut off as he turned around and her eyes immediately traveled his form, taking in the fabric clinging to his skin. Her gaze hooded as she gulped. _'Stop looking at him..you're not some kind of pervert..get ahold of yourself.'_ She mentally berated herself, cursing her sudden flare of hormones.  
  
Flushing at his compliment, she couldn't stop a tiny smile from appearing on her face. So, she wasn't the only one who found the other intriguing? Beautiful. Dangerous but alluring. _'Shit..'_ She just couldn't stop, could she? She covered her face with her hands with a slight growl of annoyance, more so at herself than at him. She was about to protest, to boast that she wasn't embarrassed, huffing at the thought that he had any control over how she felt about him. "You couldn't get under my skin if you tried." She whispered but her voice lacked conviction or truth and this only furthered her vulnerability. The truth of the matter was, he had already gotten under her skin.  
  
Sighing slowly, she nodded stiffly, "I agree. I won't use it against you. Try to stay out of my head..and I'll stay out of yours." As if that was easily done. If Rey knew how to keep her thoughts private, she would have done so already. Who in the galaxy would have thought that someone can take a front row seat to your deepest secrets against both their will and your own? It was maddening! She laughed, a hollow sound, " ** _Can_** we get rid of this?" Her hands were a flurry of motion as she talked, obviously a nervous habit. "What if we can't?" The thought was horrifying. How could she ever join the Rebellion again and put them in danger knowing that he could see into her mind at any time? See their locations, hear their plans? He was unintentionally isolating her all over again. The thought sprang mist to her eyes. She wouldn't lose the only friends she had ever known. This..connection had to go.  
  
Her eyes followed his pacing with mild interest though she felt giddy as she heard his thoughts yet again, once she held his eyes with her own, she raised one eyebrow. Amusement danced in her features as she suppressed a grin, the smile evident even as she tried to smother it. Showing complete adoration for the little display of concern he felt at her delving into his mind, finding it endearing. Which would have unsettled Rey had she not been enjoying the moment so heavily.  
  
She reached the same conclusion as him, nodding enthusiastically as he left the room. Rey quickly moved to the far corner of the room, wondering if both were willing participants of putting space between them, if it made a difference. It was nice to be apart from him, to enjoy the silence and not having to worry about her lingering gazes. Her thoughts on how it would feel to kiss him. Would his lips yield to hers, the kiss tender, affectionate? Something relatable to the light. Or would it truly be like kissing with inklings of hate, devouring each other, passion searing through their veins? Rey's lips had parted as a result of her little daydream fantasy, a momentary lapse of reason, given the silence that had allowed her to forget about her predicament.  
  
Though his voice in her mind snapped her back to reality, back to attention with horror quickly filling her. She needed to get a grip, and fast.  
  
Disappointment filled her as she responded, ' _Yes..loud and clear'._ Mocking dialogue a Pilot would say during communication. _'This is a nightmare..'_ She had never once come across this during her studies, realizing it must be even rarer than force healing. She willed herself to calm down, scraping her mind for possible explanations. _'You sifted through my mind..and I returned the favor..maybe that..did something?'_ It seemed to be the only thing that made sense. Not every being in the galaxy was force sensitive, maybe it was unnatural to push back into someones mind. Maybe this was an anomaly of sorts.  
  
_'Maybe it'll wear off..'_ She stopped, shaking her head, _'Get back in here, this is too surreal. Too strange.'_ Rey found that she enjoyed having this special connection to one of the most feared men of the galaxy, this slight power over him. Not that she would ever use it against him. She felt it was basic respect to follow his suggestion of not using it against one another. But while she enjoyed being able to talk to him without ever speaking, it worried her that it was perhaps strengthening the ties. Though could they really help it?  
  
After the excitement and novelty of the new perk wore off, she added meekly, _'Would killing eachother..break this?'_ Rey didn't have it in her to kill Kylo, had already had the chance and chose to spare him then again, save him. It was clear that it wasn't her intention to bring him harm. But she was concerned he would entertain the idea. Scared, even. Finding that even though his saber was with her, she didn't feel the slightest urge to touch it. Not to use it against him, nor to prevent him from using it against her. It seemed all thoughts of self-preservation had gone out the window.

 

* * *

 

She had had a plethora of new thoughts and emotions while he waited in that cockpit. Sidelong glances at his figure. A long daydream about kissing him. He called upon years of training and discipline from some of the strongest masters on both sides of the force to block her from knowing he had known about it, clearing his mind, but he feared that she would nonetheless _feel_ his face turn red.  
  
The pilot droid, clearly uncomfortable at the sight of his feared master splaying himself out on the command console in front of him, leaned back in his chair, scooting as far away from the dark knight as he could, averting his gaze and finding something of immense interest in his own hand.  
  
As she called him back, he agreed, not even thinking the word but suspecting that she would know his intention. He crawled off of the console, much to the relief of his pilot, walking back to the door to his bunk as it opened with a satisfying swish.  
  
' _Would killing eachother..break this?'_ Rey thought to him. He didn't have an answer. It made sense that it would, but he had already evidenced back on StarKiller Base that he was unable to take her life.  
  
He did muse, briefly and perhaps intentionally, how strange it was that the thought had not yet crossed his mind, but that it had occurred to her first. Perhaps he wasn't the only monster in the room.  
  
Immediately he winced, closing his eyes regretfully. "I'm sorry," he said out loud. "That was unjust. I have no right to--..." he trailed off.

 

* * *

 

Rey was relieved when she didn't hear any answering thoughts of her little fantasy. Figuring that he either didn't catch it or didn't wish to comment on it. Though why would he? It wasn't like either of them were particularly enjoying this new development. It got in the way of both of their paths. It would put both the First Order and The Alliance at risk for either of them to return to their own people. Surely he knew this. Though spending a few days on Naboo, perhaps they could come up with a solution to sever the ties and go about their own ways.  
  
Unbeknownst to both of them, force bonds cannot be broken.  
  
She could sense his general location, feeling his presence grow nearer and realizing he must have moved to the cockpit in desperation. She wondered just how he fit along with the pilot droid, the image itself entertaining.  
  
She was relieved to find him returning, finding it easier to talk to him in person than to embrace the fact that seemingly no amount of distance could sever whatever was between them. She wondered idly if they could communicate if planets, moons even separated them. Though she suspected the connection wasn't affected by distance. That's when her thoughts were interrupted by his own and her relaxed posture grew rigid as her head snapped to his direction. Her expression portraying the hurt she felt at the possibility that she too was a monster.  
  
Though as quickly as the comment came, he was apologizing. Which that in itself was shocking. She waved a hand dismissively, "You don't have to apologize.." It had been.. "It was wrong of me to even ask that." She decided. "Though I didn't mean that I have will to harm you." She explained, casting her eyes from him. "Just curiosity. I don't know if I could kill anyone..anything." If she couldn't kill Kylo in the heat of the moment after what he had done, after what the First Order had done to her cause, how could she kill anyone? Was she even capable of it? "I've never taken a life. And I don't plan to." Convinced, stubbornly, that she would never be faced with that choice again. No, Rey wanted to avoid conflict. Wanted no part of it. Peace, that's what she craved.  
  
She sighed gently, "And you're not..a complete monster." She reasoned, "It's Snoke.." She agreed with Han, that Snoke was using Kylo for his own gain. "I sense the good in you, I feel it. It's just being smothered.." Slight warmth leaving her, directed at him. Being far away from the influence of both of their bases would help tremendously she was sure.  
  
"You might even enjoy yourself on Naboo. When was the last time you had fun?" When was the last time _she_ had fun? When she stole the Falcon and got to hear Pluitt shouting behind her? Yeah, that had to be the last time. Maybe the first time. The last time she truly laughed without being plagued by the stress of an impending war and her place in the middle of it. Trying to change the subject to forget the fact that she had felt the darkness within herself. Had noticed how much she enjoyed when the anger spiked within her, when she used it to hurt Kylo, it had felt amazing to hold that kind of power over someone. She wouldn't deny it, but it didn't mean she liked the suffocating feeling.  
  
Rey had plenty of reasoning to give into the dark feelings. Hurt. Abandonment. Isolation. Rejection. Pain. Starvation. All of the things she had fought her entire life but consumed her if she thought about it too long. These were her weaknesses, her dangerous thoughts. The things that if she succumbed to them, would destroy who she felt she was destined to be. She grew quiet as she pondered this.  
 

* * *

 

"I am a monster," he retorted solemnly. He did not sound pleased about it, but there was no remorse in his tone either. "I'm a monster, Rey. I have done terrible things. Atrocities. Things that, if you knew, you would not be able to muster the kindness you do now." He shook his head. It was clear that he was haunted by every one of them, only faint glimmers of his recollection seeping through to her.  
  
"Everything I _do_ is monstrous. I have no illusions about that," he said confiding in her, opening up just a little. "I have no illusions at all, but it _must_ be done," he said knowingly, without room for compromise or waver. If she focused, she could see that _something_ was driving him. Not just the dark side, and not just Snoke, though he knew both of those influences had their hooks into him. He was using them as much as they were using him. There was something more that he was guarding. _Fiercely_. Something even Supreme Leader Snoke had not yet picked up on.

 

* * *

 

Rey couldn't understand why Kylo would continue to do things that obviously pained him. What unsettled her further was the speculation of what other things that Kylo had done that would further drive her into thinking he was, in fact, a monster as soon as she was beginning to think that she had been wrong about him despite what she had witnessed him do already.  
  
Her eyebrows furrowed as she listened, biting her lip nervously. How could Kylo think that there were no other options but the path of the dark? "This isn't who you were raised to be." She started, moving towards him tentatively. What had caused him to betray his family in the first place? Rey had found out that Han Solo was Kylo's father right before he was speared through the chest, there hadn't been a mention of him before and Rey had never gotten the full story before coming to judge Kylo for what he had done. Though she knew that he had two parents that had cared for him dearly, why else would they seek his redemption after what he had done thus far?  
  
"There are options, other choices that could be made. You don't have to kill innocent people..destroy planets.." Her voice had grown soft. Though that's when she noticed something beneath the First Order's influence on him, something that he was hiding from her and seemingly from everyone else. She tried a gentle approach, "You can talk to me..right now, I know you better than anyone else ever could."  
  
Her hazel eyes bore into his dark gaze, "Probably better than you know yourself. Every weakness, every fear." Her voice confident, "I could take it if I wanted." She was closer to him now than she had ever been, a foot apart at most. "But I would rather we establish trust." Her tone tender now, she sympathized with his pain. How it troubled him yet he felt as if he were trapped. No, Rey would keep her promise and refuse to use it as a weapon against him. "Talk to me." She urged.

 

* * *

 

He kept his eyes shut and turned away from her as she tried to convince him there were alternatives. He knew there were alternatives, but they were ineffective. Timely. And ultimately did nothing to solve the problem that the First Order could solve. That _he_ could solve.  
  
She was right. She _could_ take the information from him. Maybe not in this moment, maybe not today, but as long as they remained connected, there was a risk she would learn the secret he'd kept from every other soul, at great personal detriment. It was the secret that every day drove him tirelessly towards greatness, and every day eroded him into dust.  
  
He knew that she could condemn him with this information. That the moment either Snoke or the Rebellion knew what drove him that either side would be able to use it against him, and tear him down even further than he was torn himself. To turn him into something far worse.  
  
Perhaps he was tired enough to let that happen.  
  
He sighed. He was going to give her what she wanted. "You are not the only person the force has brought into my mind," he said simply. "You were the first who could hear my voice, but not the first whose voice was shared with me."  
  
He shook his head. It didn't feel good to share. It pained him to continue, and he struggled to keep his face from contorting angrily.  
  
"You have suffered _enormously_ ," he explained, tears welling in his eyes. "But you know _nothing_ of suffering," he growled, eyes twisted in jealousy, to have suffered alone in silence as she had. Beautiful isolation. _Glorious silence_. "You could never understand if I told you. You could only understand if I _showed_ you."  
  
He gazed back at her, eyes like moist stone, waiting to see if she had the courage to understand what she'd asked to know.


	4. I can't live without her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Losing all pretence of what might or might not startle her, he reached down and grabbed her hand, holding it in his own. The moment their skin touched, the voices were silenced. He looked up at her incredulously, and she would instantly know why from his thoughts.
> 
> He raised it to his cheek once more, eyes wide with a tremendous range of emotions, his mouth agape as of to make a sound, but none came out.
> 
> He could only clutch her hand against his skin, falling to his knees in front of her. His eyes welled and overflowed instantly. Looking up at her face in reverence, his mind was so wide open even their force connection wasn't needed for her to see into it.

* * *

 

 

Rey went slack as he spoke, "This can happen more than once?" She was flabbergasted as to how that was possible. It seemed to be an anomaly that it had happened at all let alone twice to the same person. Eyebrows furrowing as he continued, feeling slight anger rise inside of her at his words. Offended, she was offended. "How would you know what I've been through?" She protested, resisting the urge to push him, slap him, anything physical to make herself feel better.

She nearly vibrated with the rage she was trying to control, "You know a _shred_ of what I've shown you. But you **had** a family. Who didn't abandon you on some maker forsaken planet filled with predators who would assist a youngling only for their own sick gain." She refused to talk about it, refused to explain just how vile some of the traders on her planet were. Rey had many times been faced with starvation, the promise of food ahead of her if she would give in to their lewd desires. Her age mattered not. The promise of being provided for once she got old enough to become a working girl.

Still, Rey had refused.

It had caused her to work twice as hard to feed herself. But she had refused to taint her body and soul. She refused to cry in front of him, "You know nothing." Her expression a snarl, that is until she noticed his tears and her expression softened immensely. Lips parting as her now gentle gaze held his own. "Sorry.." Realizing that she had lost a grip on her emotions for a moment. She had remembered how he had neared her with his hand in order to extract her thoughts and she assumed, the closer he was, the easier it would be to project memories. If that was what he wanted to show her. Rey, perplexed, closed the distance between them and tentatively took his hand, bringing it to her face. "Show me." Her breath shuddering as she shook off her personal issues for another day. "I won't breathe a word of it." She vowed softly, closing her eyes and opening her mind up completely to him.

 

* * *

 

 

Her response of outrage was exactly what he'd expected. She couldn't know until now, but he did know. He knew more than she could possibly have imagined.   
  
Kylo turned toward her on the cot. He felt tremendous guilt at what he was about to show her, but he knew there was no other way. He had no memories to share. Only the constant nightmare that only he had been privy to until this moment.   
  
"Brace yourself," he warned her. "This will not be pleasant."   
  
He raised a hand towards her face slowly so as not to startle her. It rested beside her ear as if to cup her cheek, hovering an inch above her skin. Locking his eyes, he began to intentionally let her into the part of his mind that he'd spent so much of his time trying to smother.   
  
It began for her with an awareness of a third presence between them. It was the sound of a woman, sobbing quietly. Rey would not be able to see her, or identify her, but through the connection, she would know what was causing the sobs. 

Her son had tried to enter the battle arena for the entertainment of the Hutt clan. He did so to try and earn money to afford his family a better life. He was a fair fighter, but the Hutts were ruthless and continued to raise the odds against him. It took four Gammorean guards to finally bring him down, a lucky swing with one of their axes severing his head cleanly from his shoulders. The Hutts had sent her home with only his head in a bag for burial and refused to pay the money specified in his contract. She was burying him alone now. She contemplated crawling in the hole with his severed head, for she was old and frail, and there was no work for her here. She would starve or be killed by marauding bandits in days if she was fortunate. This was occurring a week from them through hyperspace on Tatooine.   
  
Within seconds, another voice entered her mind. This one a young man, lost and alone in a frozen wasteland, whimpering tiredly and gasping for air. His wife was at home, delivering their first child, but their planet was poor, and medical care was sparse. Something had gone wrong with the delivery, and now both the woman and child were imperiled. He had left their home on their fastest speeder, which did not flourish in cold weather. A journey that would take two hours on a conservative, reliable machine, he had tried to undertake in under 30 minutes, with catastrophic misfortune. He had been caught up in a blizzard, and the servos that directed the steering on the speeder froze up, and he had crashed. A large portion of one of the handlebars had lodged through his sternum, and he lay on his back, watching blood bubble up through the hollow metal pipe. He was sobbing, even as the tears froze over his eyes, knowing that whether he first died of hypothermia or exsanguination, his betrothed and unborn child would soon join him in hours. This was occurring two weeks away from them through hyperspace on Hoth.   
  
A third voice arrived almost instantly. This one a child living in a bustling but poor slum, shackled and wasting away in a dungeon, coughing violently between sobs. Their parents had died doing the routine but dangerous factory work, and they had been alone for several months, and they had been placed in the care of a vicious man who collected the benefits from taking in children in need and let them rot. The interim government was soft, and inefficient, focusing on rebuilding the core world's infrastructure after the collapse of the Empire, and hadn't thoroughly checked his background, opting to pile children and credits onto any willing soul who came forward. The man sensed an opportunity, taking on more than he could handle, and 'lost track' of a few to lighten the load. The child was diseased and would perish in days without medical attention. Surely the change of mouths to feed would not be reported, and he would continue to collect the credits after the child was long gone. Even at his young age, his awareness of this was acute. Help was not coming. This was occurring on Coruscant, a week and a half away from them.   
  
The cries and screams were coming from even more voices now, too quickly to identify them. Soldiers on battlefields bleeding out, men and women being sold into slavery or worse, children suffering from hunger or plague, a platoon in space gasping for air as their oxygen fails, the cries of those burning alive slowly on hostile planets, betrayed, unloved, unmourned. Dozens at first, then hundreds, then thousands, then  _ billions _ , and finally,  **_trillions_ ** . The cacophony was overwhelming, deafening. Rey would be unable to hear herself scream if she tried.   
  
When he knew she'd felt the full effect of his curse, he pulled his hand back, and the horrible sound left her as suddenly.   
  
For reasons unknown, Kylo Ren was a force conduit for the suffering of every intelligent creature in the galaxy. If she looked deep inside him, she'd know it had been this way for a long time. And she would be acutely aware that, on more than one occasion, it was her voice of pain that he had heard. Her story and her suffering heaped onto his burdened mind, though he didn't know her at the time, and her story was only one of truly  _ countless _ others burning in his head at any given time.   
  
He looked remorseful that she had to experience that, pulling his hand far away from her and hiding it under his crossed arms so that she would not fear him doing so again. He was right. There weren't words to describe suffering on that scale. "This is why I must do the things I do," he explained. "The First Order has the resources to stop so much of the suffering. To root out the crime lords and free those under their fist, to bring utility and medicine to even the most remote corners of the galaxy, to protect those too weak to protect themselves."   
  
He stood, keeping his hands under his arms, his expression pained. Tormented.   
  
"If we could unite the galaxy under one banner, we could bring those resources to bear, get the people of the galaxy in line and finally put a stop to the lunacy, and the unnecessary pain." He shuddered. She could tell the voices were always there. It's why he was the way he was. "Can't you see? The destruction of a planet, or five planets, or dozens of planets is completely inconsequential to the galactic suffering that happens every second!" He was certainly in a position to know. "If we could have used StarKiller Base to frighten the populations into falling in line, we could have brought that peace sooner. But now..." he clenched his eyes and ground his teeth. He would be stuck with the terrible screams a while longer, and he knew that his actions would add thousands more to his burden.   
  
"I watched my whole childhood. My mother dart about the stars desperately trying to help. She did everything that could be expected of a woman, even for a princess, or even as a leader of an organization as large as your Resistance. But it wasn't enough. It wasn't nearly enough. She would be gone for months on end, and the screams would only get louder."   
  
"Even my father knew it was pointless," he snarled, glaring at the lightsaber in disdain, wishing it had proven to be the key to his salvation but instead only made his grief deeper and more treacherous. "He played the good general, fought his battles, but when it came time to try and rebuild, he didn't last more than a few years before going back to his smugglers ways. It wasn't that he wasn't good at it. He just knew it didn't make a difference." He softened, just a little, remembering his father. "He was no fool."   
  
With a deep inhale and exhale, he pushed at the grief, and the suffering, and the screaming, willing it back into its corner of his tormented mind. Nearly twenty years of this had taught him to keep it in check, but no amount of patience could prevent the madness inside completely, sometimes causing outbursts of rage and property destruction when plans did not go as he'd hoped, or complications arose. Sometimes any delay, even of seconds, sent him into a frenzy, as he knew his eventual salvation had been pushed back as well.   
  
He did not plan to die without ever again experiencing silence. Even for a moment.

 

* * *

 

Rey wasn't sure what to expect as Kylo warned her and she felt her muscles stiffen as he raised a hand towards her slowly, remembering how it had been painful the first time he had delved into her mind. Though this was different, Rey was willing to see what was plaguing him so. Her eyes remained holding his gaze as she let everything in.  
  
  
The first vision alone had her skin breaking out into a cold sweat, the grief of the woman filling her as if it were her own. Gathering snippets of what would soon happen, a young boy who couldn't be much younger than her, putting his life on the line to provide for his mother. Getting swindled out of both his life and the payment that was due to the person who loved him most in this world. Rey heard herself cry out in shock, as if her cry could stop the Gammorean guards from harming him. At least he had died quickly. Though there was nothing peaceful about his death, seeing his decapitated head being delivered to his mother made Rey felt like she was suffocating in the mothers devastation. Never, had Rey witnessed something so barbaric in nature. Tatooine, a planet similar but apparently much harsher than her own.  
  
Before Rey had time to recover, yet another vision assaulted her mind, this time of a man desperate to get to his family. A hiss of protest leaving Rey's lips as she didn't want to see the result of the tragic crash, tears gathering in her eyes at the thought that the mother and child were doomed without ever knowing what happened to their caretaker, husband, and father. She quivered, swallowing roughly from the violent images that she had never been exposed to. Han Solo's death having been the most brutal display of aggression that she had seen, until now.  
  
But what made her tense muscles sag was the final vision. A child that reminded her much of herself. Desperate for food, water, medical care. Alone in the world and suffering immensely. Though he had been betrayed by someone who promised to care for him. Rey felt her heart racing, wishing nothing more than to save the child who was a reflection of herself. Rey had been lucky having never been exposed to a disease, but only because Jakku was such a dry planet, diseases had a hard time thriving with little to no moisture and for the majority of her life, she had been isolated from other beings completely. She knew this child had accepted his fate and that's what broke her heart the most. Rey had done this many times but had found that focusing on her phantom family kept her going, gave her the will to survive even though the promise had been hollow. Tears fell freely from her hazel eyes now. Her skin pale from the horror of it all.  
  
Once Kylo released her from the horrific nightmare, Rey let out a strangled sob of the tears she had choked back, stumbling away from him on unsteady legs as she fell to the ground. Her expression twisted into mourning for people she would never meet, displaying nothing but the tiny taste of agony that Kylo must feel constantly. Weeping briefly before she breathed deeply, trying to calm herself as she rubbed angrily at her eyes, wiping the tears away. "We have to...we have to help them..save them..stop this.." She mumbled brokenly, frantically.  
  
Though the tendrils of her mind still sought his out and it was then that she sensed herself in the endless sea of torment. Her entire body went slack, lips parting as her tear stained eyes searched his face. She hadn't truly been alone. Not really. Kylo had sensed every time she had pleaded for a swift death. Every time she had lay crumpled and broken in the shell of the AT-AT, praying to the maker to show her a way to survive without succumbing to the filth of the planet. She had wanted so badly to preserve her light. She didn't want to be a statistic.  
  
Her breathing quick, shallow as she listened to him. Really listened to him. To think that the First Order actually believed they were helping to prevent this, rattled her to the core. For once, Rey could see the good in Kylo. The good that he was _trying_ to do. She truly believed he felt every action he did was for the greater good. She nodded numbly, while she didn't agree with killing innocent people, she realized that time was of the essence in every situation she had seen unfold. Rey's face softened as he mentioned what good Starkiller base could have done and instantly her gut twisted from guilt. Hands flying to cover her mouth as she was beginning to understand that what the Resistance did may not have been the best decision. Her entire world was being torn upside down and she didn't know how to cope.  
  
"Does...Leia..does she..does she know?" Did his parents know what kind of immense stress he was under? How much pain he was in? Did they stop to try and help him or understand what he was trying to accomplish? Their dark prince, the hero disguised as the villain. Her thoughts broadcasted each comment, each question as Rey found herself unable to form coherent words.  
  
Rey gathered herself, standing and making her way over to him cautiously before she closed the distance and wrapped her arms around his waist even though his arms were crossed. Her body was trembling violently and she could only imagine what it must feel like to see those images all the time. "S-Sorry..I'm s-so sorry.." Her tone pleading, remorse rushing out of her as she tells him without words that she apologized for her role in leading the Resistance to Starkiller base. Knowing that if not for her being taken captive, Finn and Han would have never had the motivation to come to the base to retrieve her. She may not have planted the bombs herself but she felt as if she had.  
  
She pulled away slightly, only so she could look up at him and slid her hands up his neck, his skin until her fingertips were at his temples. Rey wasn't experienced with the force but she gave it her best shot, trying to take Kylo into a moment in her past. A moment in which he had extracted from her once. One of the many lonely, sleepless nights. Scared, huddled up with a doll she had made herself, her only friend. Dressed as a pilot she one day hoped to be. She focused on the sounds she remembered. Silence. The only sound was her weak breathing, the sound of the wind coasting over the sand right outside of her shelter. Complete isolation. The heat of the days sun still lingering on her skin though the cool night air took away the burning sensation until it left her feeling pleasant. She held that memory for as long as she could, trying to give him a shred of peace if only for a moment before removing her fingertips, bringing her hands back to herself, smiling sadly as she could offer no other solution.  
  


* * *

 

 

Kylo watched her grapple with the reality of galactic suffering on a scale unimaginable to anyone who hadn't just experienced what she had. And it had still only been a taste. Less than half a minute of what had been eroding him for nearly twenty years. It gave him no pleasure to see her hurting from this momentary foray. He didn't think about how strong he had been for withstanding it. It had never made him feel strong to survive it. How could you feel strong when you were safe, warm, and comfortable in your own space while watching the galaxy around you writhe?  
  
He reached a hand out to her as if to comfort her when she really began to understand the horror of the decisions he'd made, pulling it back as she paced, trying to rationalize a way to go to each of those people -- the trillions of suffering -- and help.  
  
He had thought that way for a time, thinking he could save them all. He even did manage to rescue three. Three was the best he could do. Three out of _trillions_. He learned very quickly that he had to play the long game. The numbers would never be in his favor.  
  
The Jedi wanted to help. They tried earnestly and did tremendous good. But Luke was one man training a handful of children with middling talent and capability. But it would never be enough. The Jedi were too aloof, and too few to go around, to bring the kind of order that the galaxy needed to recover.  
  
Then, as if sensing his anguish, the First Order came for him. _Snoke_ came for him.  
  
He immediately saw the resources they brought into battle, and what power they had to 'maintain the peace'. It was ruthless, barbaric, and horrifying. It was also the only thing that he'd ever seen reduce the suffering to a minimum on a planet. No one left on the planet was happy. No songs were sung about the liberation. But those who stayed in line, who wanted stability, who played their role... their suffering was minimal.  
  
Snoke showed him what they had done. He was shown the peace (?), and the future plans for StarKiller Base. There was tremendous atrocity coming, but with it, a chance to stop a not-insignificant amount of suffering. Snoke offered to make him a leader in the coming battle, with the ability to influence the future of the Galaxy.  
  
All he had to do was give up his soul. His first task was to kill his fellow trainees under Luke. None of the tasks that followed became any easier, but each one stripped away more of Ben Solo, and replaced him with the scars. And when enough of Ben was gone, the scars were given a new name. Kylo Ren.  
  
He shook his head when she asked if his mother had known. She had had enough to worry about, trying to do her part. Telling her would have only put more of a burden on her, and even he couldn't do that to her. She was stretched thin as it was.  
  
As she wrapped her arms around him, he turned his face away from her, stricken with guilt. The embrace _was_ comforting, and he felt undeserving.  
  
As her fingertips left his shirt and touched his face, he immediately joined her in the visions. His eyes opened wide with wonder. He'd forgotten what silence felt like. And the night desert, warmth radiating from the sand and the cool breeze. She had had nothing, but it meant _everything_ to him. And she was sharing it with him. His eyes closed, and something like a smile came across his face; the kind of smile you'd expect from someone who hadn't used those muscles in that configuration in decades. He could almost feel the breeze on her face.  
  
She withdrew her hands and slowly the voices came flooding back, slowly at first but faster after a short moment.  
  
 _Flooding back?_ ** _They had been gone!_**  
  
Losing all pretense of what might or might not startle her, he reached down and grabbed her hand, holding it in his own. The moment their skin touched, the voices were silenced. He looked up at her incredulously, and she would instantly know why from his thoughts.  
  
He raised it to his cheek once more, eyes wide with a tremendous range of emotions, his mouth agape as of to make a sound, but none came out.  
  
He could only clutch her hand against his skin, falling to his knees in front of her. His eyes welled and overflowed instantly. Looking up at her face in reverence, his mind was so wide open even their force connection wasn't needed for her to see into it.  
  
He'd give everything to make sure she never wanted anything. It didn't matter what pain he would have to go through. It didn't matter who came down on them. The Resistance, the First Order, Snoke himself -- if the skies fell and the worlds burned, even if he had to die for her, he would protect her with every ounce of his strength. She was a miracle. She was beautiful beyond words. The most important thing he never knew existed.   


 

* * *

 

 

Rey was baffled yet again. Were Han and Leia so caught up in the Resistance and smuggling that they couldn't see the obvious pain their son was in? She knew they meant well, that they were good people but it wasn't hard to see that Kylo was mentally tortured. Clear from the outbursts and hasty decisions she had witnessed him make. Adoration flowing from her as she knew he only wished to avoid causing Leia more stress. Even though killing Han ultimately caused her more. She still believed that Snoke was only using Kylo for his power but she trusted her intuition that Kylo meant only the best. Meant only to, in the long run, stop the suffering of trillions across the galaxy. She admired him for that.  
  
At first, Rey was afraid that her vision had been insufficient. "I..I know it's not much." She started, "But I have nothing else to offer." Jakku had been the only planet she had ever known and her time upon others had been filled with nothing but TIE fighters and A-wings in battle, the collapse of buildings and the deaths of others. Jakku was her only peace to offer him even though it had been the bane of her existence.  
  
Recalling his smile relieved her, that maybe some shred of her memory had helped sate the suffering in his mind. She flinched in surprise as he grabbed her hand, her fingers lightly squeezing his hand in slight confusion before their eyes met and she understood all at once what had occurred. Her eyes widening as a wide smile appeared slowly on her face, a breathless huff of shock as he brought it to his cheek. The range of emotions flickering through his gaze made her heart ache as he dropped to his knees.  
  
It was the first time that they had willingly touched one another, nothing one sided. Not when one of them was unconscious either willing or not. This was the first consenting contact and all of his relieved emotions barreled through their connection, putting her instantly as ease. Her own eyes soon matched his, tears streaming down her face, pure joy racing through her veins. The look of total adoration from Kylo had her flushing though her own expression was that of yearning affection, her features softening as her fingers threaded themselves through his hair. Soothingly sifting throughout the locks with one hand while her other remained against his cheek.  
  
If she could keep his demons at bay, keep the suffering from ravaging his spirit, she would never stop touching him.  
  
To hear what he would give up for her, what he would go through for her. She shook her head, believing she wasn't worth the risk of danger. Kylo was important, more than anyone in the galaxy. Someone who was aware of the galaxy's problems at all times, even though Rey wanted to curse the maker for putting all of the weight on his shoulders, he had a chance to play maker. To try to be the change the galaxy so desperately needed. But it didn't mean he needed to be in agony while he did it. No, Rey believed this is what the force had tied them together for.  
  
Rey was shaken to her core with one overwhelming thought. She had made a difference. The only thing she had ever wanted. To truly make a difference. To bring good to the world. To soothe Kylo Ren's pain, brought her a sense of peace she had never felt. _"Stars.."_   She murmured in awe at the situation, leaning forward to gently kiss his forehead. Lingering so her lips remained against his skin. Wonderingly idly if the longer they remained together, the closer their bond grew over time, if the effects would increase? "I'm so happy I can do this for you.." She murmured softly against his skin, her heart racing. Was she born for this exact purpose? Up until this point, Rey felt she served no purpose. Trudging through life with no real aim. She had thought the Resistance had been her path but it felt as if the force itself wished her to remain at his side.  
  
"Better?" She whispered as if talking too loud might interrupt the spell of the tenderness growing between them.  
  


* * *

 

 

Kylo was still shaking. He was overwhelmed that she could do what she did to begin with, but that she was smiling about it... _happy_ about it? Happy for _him_? After everything he'd done, she would still find happiness in bringing him, the least deserving person, _peace_. Everything about her grew more beautiful with each second.  
  
Then it happened. She kissed his forehead sweetly. The sensation was pure electric and woke in him feelings and thoughts that he'd been sure were beaten from him ages ago.  
  
His fingers intertwined with hers, taking both of her hands in his, standing slowly, looking down into her eyes, regaining his composure externally. He knew in the back of his mind that he should have been thinking very hard about what was happening, how would he keep her secret, and safe from Snoke, the First Order, and the Knights of Ren. He should have been thinking about what would happen when her Resistance friends came for her, or how he could do the things he knew would be required of him to fix the galaxy with her around. There were a million things he knew he should be preoccupying himself on, and if this was any other girl in the galaxy, he would have found a way.  
  
All of that was pushed to the back of his mind, and he thought only a simple thought, in response to her thoughts that she only existed to bring him peace.  
  
 _No matter what you say, no matter what you think or have felt about your worth in the past, no matter what you believe to be true of me, I am_ ** _nothing_** _without you._  
  
He waited a moment softly allowing that to sink in, following it with another simple thought.  
  
 _I'm going to kiss you._   



	5. I need him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The kiss had been brief but the sweetness of it, the meaning behind it, was everything Rey never knew she needed. More precious than the very water she needed to have survived on Jakku. She had never felt a pull to another person that made her feel even a shred of what she felt for him. The thought that she needed his presence scared her, never had Rey felt that a living being was crucial to her survival but Kylo was the very breath in her lungs and their lips had only made contact once."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the long wait! It won't happen again! There is a lot of smutty and fluffy goodness in the chapters ahead! Maybe this little sweet fluff will hold you all over! Comments and kudos are everything! =D

* * *

 

It made her heart ache to think that Kylo felt that he didn't deserve peace. Regardless of what he had done, it wasn't his fault that he had received this curse...or blessing, depending on how you viewed it. He had only since been trying to make things right in the galaxy. That much stress on one persons shoulders, kept to himself without anyone to ask for advisory on the matter had to be maddening. _'Everyone deserves peace.'_ She pushed the feeling of understanding, of empathy through the bond as she spoke via their connection. It wasn't mercy driving Rey to relieve his suffering, but simple affection. She alone had the gift to soothe him and she found that she had never wanted anything more.

It was a tranquil feeling to have Kylo returning her gentle touch, looking up to hold his gaze as she felt his mind flicker rapidly through a flurry of thoughts, all similar to her own. Rey was concerned, knowing that Chewie had been distraught leaving her behind. Knowing that either he must think that she died on Starkiller base as it shattered around them or that Kylo had indeed taken her. She doubted that the Resistance would risk their meager resources to come after Kylo in the slim chance that she had survived the explosion. Most likely, they would assume he had left her for dead.

This comforted Rey. To think that maybe she could allow them to think of her as snuffed out completely. Leaving them to remain in safety and erasing one part of her worries. Though she knew Finn would likely not give up on her. And the First Order? If they had any idea that Rey was as powerful as she was already, she knew they would want her on their side. Or dead. Rey wasn't sure where her loyalties should lie, aside from protecting Kylo himself.

Her muscles relaxed as he spoke, the words soothing as she exhaled slowly, shakily. Dropping her head as she felt raw emotion gripping her throat. Self-worth wasn't something that she liked to linger on although if she had the ability to prevent his pain, she must be worth something. The idea that she could mean so much to any one person made her heart throb, racing as he finished. Her head lifting sharply as her eyes widened. How ironic that he felt he was nothing without her when she was literally a nobody before he plunged into her life. Nothing. But now something, something special. What they shared with eachother was something special. Something that could strengthen the galaxy or tear it apart depending on where their paths took them. The possibilities were endless.

Though Kylo's words shook her from her thoughts and she flushed in response, nodding subtly as her lips parted at the thick almost drowning current flowing between them, urging them closer. Her hands rest against his torso as she lightly gathers small amounts of the fabric of his tunic in her grasp. Her gaze holds hunger for the unknown, from being kissed to knowing how it'll feel to connect with him further. Rey let her mind empty, focusing only on Kylo. She leaned up on the tips of her toes, nearing his face with her own. It would be so easy to close the distance. Her breath was a soft pant of anticipation as she rested her forehead against his, her eyes closing. The connection a fevered hum at the tease of not giving in to her desire to kiss him first.

'Please do.' She replied back softly.

 

* * *

 

As she considered whether she should join the first order, alarms went off in his mind. That wasn't what he wanted out of her, and he feared for her safety and her sanity if she did. The First Order was a means to an end for him, less an allegiance, but it was only through tremendous suffering and sacrifice that he'd gotten that far, and he wanted her to experience neither. As she moved in, consenting to his desire, he moved his hands around her waist, closing behind the small of her back. His lips parted and quivered nervously as he did so, stalling. He was as inexperienced, and eager, as she. He angled his mouth into hers, planting his lips softly on hers for a moment, delivering a sweet, simple, but meaningful kiss.

Withdrawing an inch, he exhaled shakily, his warm breath against the coolness of the ship on her skin. He had used his breath to intimidate, cowing First Order officers and commanders, forcing men with the destructive power of fleets of capital ships to bend to his will, but without this feeling, it had been a feeble wind, blowing to dislodge a long-dead leaf from a tree. He'd used his breath to strengthen himself, drawing air into his lungs for barbaric battle cries and shouts of victory, but without her warmth, he'd hadn't made a sound but a child's whimper. His breath created words that inspired legions to fight and die for him and their cause, but without her eyes looking back into his, it was nothing but the creaking of old hydraulics.

He knew he'd wasted every breath before this one.

His mouth met hers again with excitement, raising a hand to her shoulder blades as his lips caressed hers, holding her tightly. He inhaled sharply, overwhelmed by the sudden love he felt for her.

 

* * *

 

She felt his concerns for her, for the path that she would one day choose but Rey was unsure of what choice she had. How could she be with Kylo beneath the First Order's nose without anyone knowing that she had survived? It would be a risk for him. A risk that she wasn't sure she could handle him taking. Though the idea that her light could be ripped from her didn't sit well either. Choosing to push all thoughts of the future away. They had at minimum a few days to themselves on Naboo to figure out what to do...about everything.

Her nervousness matched Kylo's though it gave Rey confidence that he was just as inexperienced as she. She wondered idly if she would be his first everything as he would be to her. The idea made her dizzy with possessiveness though she smothered the sensation. Berating herself for thinking that far ahead, in fact, it was embarrassing that she would even assume he would want to bed her in the first place. Her blush couldn't possibly get more prominent. She exhaled slowly through her nostrils as his lips met hers, her heart soaring at the contact as she leaned into the kiss. Too soon, he had parted from her, her own breath shuddering as their breath mingled in the charged air. Her hazel eyes holding his dark gaze.

The kiss had been brief but the sweetness of it, the meaning behind it, was everything Rey never knew she needed. More precious than the very water she needed to have survived on Jakku. She had never felt a pull to another person that made her feel even a shred of what she felt for him. The thought that she needed his presence scared her, never had Rey felt that a living being was crucial to her survival but Kylo was the very breath in her lungs and their lips had only made contact once.

Her eyes held wonderment, marveling at the feeling surging between them, of an emotion that Rey couldn't place and had never felt before now. Her expression so soft it was as if she were worshipping him. Groaning softly as he kissed her again, her arms sliding up his torso to loosely wrap around his neck, holding him close. Her fingers delving into his hair to secure his face to her own as she savored the heat the contact brought her. She wasn't sure of what she was doing, moving by pure instinct as she slid one hand free from his hair to caress his cheek. Her thumb urging against his chin for him to part his lips as she parted her own, deepening the kiss as she slid her tongue against his own.

As soon as they made contact, the very taste of him made her body quiver as she yearned for more. A soft satisfied moan leaving her throat as she pressed her body close to his. She had been starved every year of her nineteen years in this galaxy and never once had she hungered for something so intensely as him. _'Kylo...'_ Spoken like a prayer in her mind, complete reverence coating her tone.

 

* * *

 

He had been completely swept away by the same emotion she was tangling with. She did not need to encourage him much to part his lips and dash his tongue into her own. The cares of his universe (which were countless) melted away, and the only thing that existed for him was her. Rey. His beautiful Rey.  
  
  
His thoughts began to melt into hers, mirroring her own, his own cheeks flushing as she considered whether he'd bed her. She would know as soon as the thought left her mind that he would do anything for her, or _to_ her, that she desired. She didn't even need to ask. She had only to think about it.  
  
  
With his arms around her waist, he turned with her, sitting on the small cot and pulling her along, straddling his lap as he held her close. His fingers danced up her spine, gently coiling into her hair, holding her desperately in an embrace, kissing her emphatically.

 

* * *

 

Rey practically melted in his arms as their thoughts mingling, her heart aching at the thought of Kylo Ren, someone so powerful, willing to do whatever she wished. It was like a twisted fairytale in which Rey hoped she never woke up from. Warmth left Rey in a rush, directed at Kylo, her kiss growing tender to communicate her feelings as he moved them to the cot. Her legs spreading so that she straddled him. Her fingers tangling in his hair and securing his face to her own. It was intoxicating, his scent overwhelming, his taste creating a molten heat settling in her stomach. Kylo consumed her thoughts as the connection hummed in satisfaction between them.  
  
  
She wasn't sure when they would arrive on Naboo and was afraid to take it too far with Kylo just yet, not wishing to be interrupted when she sought to make him hers. A possessive thrill surging through her, the need to mark him, to burn herself into his memories so that he couldn't shake her even if he wished. For him to take her first time so that she would always belong to him. With him. She made a vow that she would do just that, beg for it if he wished before they departed from Naboo. What a perfect, beautiful planet to lose themselves on. Arching against his trailing hand down her back.  
  
  
Never had Rey felt lust or even pleasure. Hydration was precious on Jakku, so even when Rey had tried to explore her body as she grew older, she quickly realized that it was dangerous to waste precious moisture on something so primal. And never had she felt a pull to another. Kylo awakened a yearning inside of her, twisting into a delicious ache that spread throughout her body. _'I've never felt this before..any of it.'_ She remained vague, almost afraid to break the spell between them with mentioning emotions that Rey had never even spoken aloud. Breaking the kiss only to rest her forehead against his, her breathing a soft shuddering pant as her hands roamed his torso, fingertips sliding beneath his shirt to slide over his skin, tracing what scars she could reach.  
 

* * *

 

The boy was privy to each of her thoughts as she had them, understanding immediately that despite the overwhelming rightness of it all, it wasn't yet time to dive into one another fully. She was already a necessity for him, but she was right. There would be time later. For now, the short flight ahead would just give them time to rest before they reached Naboo.  
  
  
As she disengaged from the kiss, reaching under his shirt to touch his bare skin, he smiled again, still not sure he was doing it right. His experience with love and self-exploration was similar. There were certainly willing girls in the First Order who'd taken a shine to him, but the terrible screams echoing in his mind kept him from ever lowering his guard long enough to let anyone in, or to try and find pleasure on his own. Some thought he was too devoted to the cause and remained chaste in pursuit of it, but the agony in his head prevented anything but his mission from being able to materialize. No one but Rey had ever been able to calm his curse long enough to even acknowledge the possibility.  
  
  
She would have trouble finding parts of his skin that were not scars. A momentary shame filled him and he wanted to pull her hands from his skin, but he remembered that she'd already seen him once. Despite the flight instinct he felt, he knew he was safe with her, and demonstrated that he would not let his fears govern how he treated her, he reached over his head, pulling his shirt off, tossing it on the floor behind her.  
  
  
His eyes locked on hers for a moment, a small, warm, but challenging smirk twisted the corner of his lip up. They had both mentally acknowledged that now was not the time, to take one another, but that was no reason it should be easy for her. Despite his scars, which many would have been horrified by, he was in peak physical condition and was firm but warm to the touch, and he wanted her to drink it in. He locked his arms around her again, angling his head and kissing her sweetly on the cheek, leaning back and pulling her down onto the cot with him, rolling so that he was on top of her, pinning her down. His hands took hers, intertwining with her fingers, and slowly circled outwards in an arc to hold her hands over her head, locking them there, moving her skin slowly over the warm, soft sheets, pressing her into the pillowy mattress, exposing her to the luxury of a clean bed that he knew she could not remember experiencing before. He locked her there, between the supple warmth bed, and the firm heat of his heaving chest. He gazed into her hazel eyes for a moment before angling his head into her cheek, kissing her sweetly along her jawline to her ear.  
  
  
_Be still, rest. We'll be at Naboo before long,_ he thought to her.  
  
  
He moved off of her, sliding one of his arms under her head, using the other to pull a sheet over them, and wrap around her waist to pull her into him. He wanted to treat her to a peaceful sleep and enjoy one himself for a change.

 

* * *

 

Kylo's smile was quickly becoming a weakness for her, bringing her a sense of serenity each time she caught the action. Her expression of hunger softened into that of understanding as she felt his urge to stop her touch, the shame that flooded him, teased at her. She felt the nagging fear that once her rags that she called clothing were gone, he would not find her as desirable as he seemed to find her now. She was underweight, lean with muscle but too thin for her liking. Having an athletic build was crucial to her survival and while the slimming effect was appealing, she was afraid it wasn't the body type he was into. Did he even have a preference?  
  
  
She watched curiously as he took off his shirt, her eyes roaming his body as her fingertips trailed over his battle worn skin. _'Your scars are attractive..'_ She pushed, her touch gentle. _'It represents your strength..your power..'_ It made Rey feel safe to see what lengths Kylo had been forced to overcome yet still retained the gentleness he was showing her now.  
  
  
Even when she had resented him for taking her from her friends, she had seen him as she would always see him. _'You are a warrior'_ The scars were his identity, as much as her sun-kissed skin was. One eyebrow raised as her eyes met his, noticing the mischevious glint in his own as she smiled in question at him. Leaning against the chaste kiss to her cheek before squealing softly in surprise as he flipped her beneath him.  
  
  
Relishing in the warmth of his hands as he took hers in his own, moving them above her head. Rey took a moment to relax against the bed, closing her eyes briefly as she left the softness envelope her. The scent of cleanliness itself filled her senses as she felt gratitude leaving her, directed at him. Being beneath his caging body, in such a sterile environment, soothed her in ways she couldn't explain. She felt safety with him, something that Rey had never felt. The knowledge that she wouldn't have to fight for her life each time she woke up, that there was no way he would let anyone touch her in the way that others had tried, it made her feel complete. Heat filling her as nervous flutters gathered in her stomach as she opened her eyes, now half-lidded with both lust and unspoken love for him and how he had already changed her life.  
  
  
His name was spoken slowly in repeat in her mind, spoken with devotion, in awe. _'Kylo..Kylo..'_ She arched her body beneath his, eager to feel more of him pressed against her as she briefly kissed his exposed shoulder. Exhaling a shaky, feminine sigh of desire as he kissed her jaw, trailing to her ear. The slight affection already had her wanting to reverse her decision to wait for more. Though there would be plenty of time during their stay on Naboo. She nodded gently in response, eagerly moving into position at his side, resting her head against his chest as she let his heartbeat lull her to sleep. The feeling of his warm skin, not searing miserable heat, but just the comforting presence of someone she already cared for deeply, quelled the questions that could wait for tomorrow. Her fingertips played along his chest until she finally drifted off.  
  
~  
  
It wasn't uncommon for Rey to dream, often dreams were all she had to get her to the next day with a shred of sanity. But tonight her dreams were torn. Full of conflict and concern. Images of what Kylo had done to Finn, of how Finn would surely be disappointed in her choice of mates after what he had done to the Resistance. To the Resistance's own general's husband. What did that make her? Certainly not an ally. More like an enemy. Even though that wasn't her intention. But how could they understand what Kylo meant to her? What she meant to him? This connection wasn't easily explainable and she knew that if the Resistance knew that she held a weakness over him, she would be forced to spill the information she had. And she couldn't let that happen. Would die before she let that happen. Would die before she let anyone hurt him.  
  
  
There was still so much to decide, Rey wasn't safe no matter where she went. She didn't trust herself around the First Order, not after she had been deemed an enemy in the first place. Not when they could extract information from her via Snoke. No, Rey wasn't safe anywhere. She couldn't return back to Jakku, not with Plutt wanting her head for stealing the falcon. Rey was once again left with nothing. Nothing but Kylo who now meant everything. All of this swirled in her mind, repeating on a loop. At first, the thoughts had troubled her, causing her to cry softly in her sleep at the feeling of being stranded drowned her. But as soon as Kylo came into her mind, she relaxed against the bed. The heat of his body, the scent of his skin-soothing her until she slept a dreamless sleep for the rest of the night.

 

* * *

 

Kylo wasn't able to sleep right away, keeping an arm wrapped firmly around her, still stunned by the miraculous silence. A few times after she'd dozed off, he felt her become unsettled, frightened, alone. He sensed her dreams -- not as clearly as her waking thoughts, but still sensed her concerns. He closed his eyes tightly, trying to infer himself into her thoughts even as she slept, catching only glimpses of her fears, that he had isolated her even further by taking her and then falling for her.  
  
  
  
He didn't know yet how he could solve this. The thought troubled him. Whatever his intent had been, she was now his prisoner, and the care and protectiveness she held for him was her new cell.  
  
  
  
He thought long and hard about what he could do, but all he could muster at the moment was to squeeze her more tightly and broadcast into her sleeping mind, ' _It's okay. I promise.'_ He repeated it over and over until she slowly began to relax, and he dozed off with her in his arms.


End file.
